Divorce Coaching

3 TYPES OF DIVORCE RELATED COACHING & CONSULTING

Having mediated over 250 divorces and post-divorce conflicts for over 14 years, I have a realistic, intimate and deep understanding of the dynamics of divorce. I know divorce to be one of the most serious and significant life-changing events in a person’s life.

During this time, people usually feel vulnerable, afraid, anxious and angry, to name just a few on the roller-coaster ride of emotions that they experience. They often feel disoriented, trying to make sense of the world as it changes from moment to moment. During this crisis, people are expected to make all kinds of decisions having to do with housing, children, finances, future jobs, and so forth. In addition, they must deal with a complex and unfamiliar legal process and all of the components of that system that add another layer of stress.

Based on this understanding, I offer three important services in this domain modeled on Life Coaching but specific to the divorce circumstance.

1. COACHING DURING DIVORCE

Divorce coaching is targeted, short-term help for people who are separating and/or divorcing. The focus is on the present and future, not the past. A divorce coach plays many roles, including the role of providing critical information for shaping and making better decisions. A divorce coach is also a problem-solver and change agent, helping you alter and transform what is not working. The focus of work with your divorce coach is not on pathology, diagnosis, or treatment but rather concrete, practical assistance and support during this personal, legal, financial and family crisis. 

The following checklist outlines the kind of help a divorce coach provides. Read carefully through the list. Identify with a check those areas where you feel the need for the most help. Use that information to decide if a divorce coach might make a positive difference in facing the crisis ahead.

DIVORCE COACHING CHECKLIST: WHERE DO I NEED HELP? DOWNLOAD PRINTABLE VERSION here Divorce coaching is focused and targeted help for you about the most critical issues that arise during your divorce. After reading through this list, check those areas where you feel some level of help is needed at this time. Know that your needs will change as you move through the separation and divorce process. Emotional support  Information about divorce, mediation  Financial Information/Help Mediation coaching    Prioritizing concerns/needs                                    Communication Negotiations   Conflict resolution   Child/children issues   Parenting plan Co-parenting   Problem-solving   Stress Reduction   My future Other:

Every client, family and case presents unique demands to meet unique needs. However, most divorce coaching includes some, if not all, of the following valuable content:

• Information on the divorce process itself
• Help navigating the emotional aspects of divorce
• Guided focus on the children and their needs
• Coaching through legal negotiations
• Assistance communicating and dealing with other party
• Exploration of options and solutions
• Grounding for the client while in the “eye of the storm”

If yours is a Collaborative Law case, I am part of a professional team that assists you with your divorce and I work with you individually as well. (See A General View of Divorce Options Chart for information on Collaborative Law Model).

HOW DOES COACHING DURING DIVORCE WORK?

Contact me to set up an initial appointment. During that session, we review what has happened to date and where you are in the divorce process. The first session also gives us the chance to determine: a) If coaching is the appropriate service for you and b) If working together is a good match.

In deciding to work together, we determine the appointment days and frequency. Every other week is most common but weekly appointments are possible.

The initial Divorce Coaching session is approximately 60 - 75 minutes in length, and subsequent sessions are 45 minutes in length.

2. LIFE COACHING AFTER DIVORCE

In my experience, Life Coaching has proven to be invaluable for many individuals after the actual entry of the Judgment of Divorce. Though the legal divorce is complete, the subsequent months are shockingly difficult for many. It is almost always a confusing, stressful and chaotic time of life. Uncertainty is a daily experience. Emotions are complex and heightened. Questions abound:

• Where will I find a job?
• How can I work and take care of the children?
• How can I build my relationship with the children?
• Can I make it financially?
• Will I ever find anyone else to share my life?
• How do I begin dating after all of these years?
• How do I relate to my ex? 

And major life questions remain unanswered:

• Who am I now? 
• Where am I going?
• What shall I do next?
  

There IS life after divorce, and I am committed to guiding and supporting my Post-Divorce Coaching clients into that next chapter in their lives. Coaching clarifies what is important and what steps to take. It's work that begins to restore and reestablish a sense of self for the Coachee and helps achieve balance and stability. Coaching can save time, energy, pain and struggle in the aftermath of divorce. For newly divorced people, Life Coaching is a vital aide for regrouping and creating the next steps.

HOW DOES LIFE COACHING AFTER DIVORCE WORK?

Contact me to set up an initial appointment. At this session, we review what has happened to date, assess where you are and your current needs. The first session gives us the chance to determine: a) If coaching is the appropriate service and b) If we are a good match as Coach and Coachee.

In deciding to work together, we determine the appointment days and frequency. Every other week is most common but weekly appointments are possible.

The initial Life Coaching Post-Divorce session is approximately 60 -75 minutes in length, and subsequent sessions are 45 minutes.

3. PRE-DIVORCE CONSULTATION

It is my strong belief that individuals who are considering divorce can benefit from a consultation before making the decision to divorce. Not only is divorce one of the most important decisions adults make, but it is also an event that has serious financial and emotional implications, especially when there are children.

My goal in this consultation work is not to stop divorces, but to help individuals make knowledgeable, informed, realistic decisions specific to their situations. Too often decisions are based on desperation, the many divorce myths in our culture, or advice from well meaning friends and relatives that can prove to be detrimental.

When we meet, I will:

• provide you with information on divorce
• explain divorce options
• provide you with referrals
• provide you with other resources, as appropriate
• answer your questions

This service is for individuals residing in Washtenaw, Oakland, and Livingston counties. 

See A General View of Divorce Options Chart, for an overview of divorce routes in Washtenaw County. Also see RESOURCES for several articles on mediation and divorce. I recommend that you read these articles before our meeting so that you understand my perspective and can determine if I am the right person to assist you.

I am not an attorney and will not provide you with legal information, but I can steer you toward finding the right attorney for you.

HOW DOES PRE-DIVORCE CONSULTATION WORK?

Individuals (not couples) who are considering divorce can contact me to set up a consultation. The length of the consultation can vary, but is usually 60 - 90 minutes in length.

See article How do I Choose a Divorce Attorney?